The vacuum in me

The twinkling distance light in the farther lane....
I sit and stare it without any mental awareness..
For a hour I sit there and think and thousand things and nothing...
My head shakes in disapproval and i look away...
I keep scratching my inner wrist and it's weirdly satisfying...
I grab a bottle of water and gulp it down like a dry soil....
I think to take a walk to stop the hyperactivity in my brain...
What else people do except walking they just keep walking..
Despite of the bad road and weather...
I walk to see my silhouette in the rusted mirror ...
I see the designer bags under my eyes which if you try to open you ll get a drum full of broken dreams...
And my cold feets under the cheap and fake warmth of my shoes....
And I feel my fast beating heart and slow walking brain which constantly threatens me of insomnia....
The vacuum inside me and outside me matches....
A otherwise calm sea has numerous waves ....
A pestered smile outside and a hard fought war inside....
As if the coffee beans I am grinding have my subconsciousness inside the jar too...
The intake of oxygen has lessened and I feel a burning sensation in my throat ....
I try to cough it out and with the discomfort goes my sanity...
I feel watched, I hold myself still and goes to the clearing....
I see my old rusted rocking chair in the balcony....
I go sit there and see outside to see my world again.....
So lifeless , so used , and so cold....