The vacuum in me

The twinkling distance light in the farther lane....
I sit and stare it without any mental awareness..
For a hour I sit there and think and thousand things and nothing...
My head shakes in disapproval and i look away...
I keep scratching my inner wrist and it's weirdly satisfying...
I grab a bottle of water and gulp it down like a dry soil....
I think to take a walk to stop the hyperactivity in my brain...
What else people do except walking they just keep walking..
Despite of the bad road and weather...
I walk to see my silhouette in the rusted mirror ...
I see the designer bags under my eyes which if you try to open you ll get a drum full of broken dreams...
And my cold feets under the cheap and fake warmth of my shoes....
And I feel my fast beating heart and slow walking brain which constantly threatens me of insomnia....
The vacuum inside me and outside me matches....
A otherwise calm sea has numerous waves ....
A pestered smile outside and a hard fought war inside....
As if the coffee beans I am grinding have my subconsciousness inside the jar too...
The intake of oxygen has lessened and I feel a burning sensation in my throat ....
I try to cough it out and with the discomfort goes my sanity...
I feel watched, I hold myself still and goes to the clearing....
I see my old rusted rocking chair in the balcony....
I go sit there and see outside to see my world again.....
So lifeless , so used , and so cold....

The glass castle

The running vehicle...
and the beautiful lake running in the opposite direction....
And I sit inside with a racing heart....
Nothing can pacify this pain...
Not the smooth water of the lake... Nor the pink blossoms of the road side...
The beautiful pink flowers covering the roads...
Not of my interest today...
Coz it reminds me of the road back in home....
Where we used to roam together...
It started drizzling outside...
So beautiful the rain is...
And the raindrops sliding down ...
Just a glass away from my touch..
I open the glass to feel them and let them sooth me...
But the touch of the rain....
It pulls me back to the days...
Our first drizzle together ...
Where we couldn't do much ...
Other than staring each other ...
And that curved smile on your lips while ruffling your wet hair is what haunts me...
I stare away from the window to distract myself...
My eyes fall on the steering...
And the deserted roads of Bhubaneswar before the dawn comes into flash....
And I can hear the endless talking ....The laughing... The teasing.... Our rides...
I close my eyes and concentrate...
Just to see your face ... The smiles....
Was it your fault or mine I think...I lost you or you lost me...
Everytime I walk down the lane of memories... I walk on broken glasses ...
Piercing my feet with every step, bleeding...
The glasses are of my shattered dreams ... The glass castle for both of us...
Where the first ray of sunshine would have fallen on your face and I would have watched you mesmerized...