That hint of smile

A million stars in today's sky..
But one is the brightest
An angel sings in your talks...
And a smile to be the cutest
You just know what to say ...
A trophy to friendship
And a award to integrity...
When a stranger comes
To your crawling life....
And show you the
Path for running ...
Whenever you talk
It's sounds like a summer rain...
A innocent gesture
And the purest heart...
Respect and values in thoughts.
A promise of sunlight and hue
A combination of snow and due
Having you as my friend...
I Learnt about those...
Who cherish my nature...
Not set aside or mocked
You lifted my spirits
Made my days...
All the smiles gifted from you..
Are so much always
And when you mock
The sweetest I have seen
And that hint of your smile...
Through thick and thin...

The smell of palash

The dark and compact soul
And personality like a storm...
Stood there all this while
So silent and calm...
Couldn't understand his mind
Or that magnetic smile...
Where eyes says so much
And lips stay shut...
Some absent- minded
Divine designer has designed him..
Like a lightening flash
And December's winter...
So piercing yet so peaceful...
A hand-full of loose earth
Near his feet... yet so firm
His wonderful grip is...
I sit and think about his gaze
Which I couldn't last
A mere 5 seconds...
A gaze like a lion and
Softest heart of a human...
He is a distant fort
Which I believe for long...
But reverted my hand
Didn't wanted to soil that dignity
With my immature hands...
He is the smell of palash
Flame of forest....
Strong and unique...
And magical philosophy

Dear badluck

Thanks for making me strong..
Thanks for staying with me..
While everyone left ...
U never left me...
Never abandoned me..
So sincerely and respectfully..
U did whatever u had to do...
U taught me how to rise...
I Learnt walking while wounded.
I Learnt laughing while broken..
I Learnt loving when others hated...
I was left alone while I stood with them...
U taught to wipe my tears on my own ...
I kept walking... u by my side..
Now I know u...
U can't break me... never ever...
Stay as long as u want ....
Coz one day u r gonna miss me...
And I won't be there...

Dear ex-bestfriend

Dear ex-bestfriend,

I came to the same place where we used to come. I sat in the place where we used to sit. I am an writer for name sake. But I am very bad in expressing my feelings in front of others . Like I could never tell u , exactly what I feel.  I know there is no term like ex-bestfriend but there has to be one in my life. If relationship between to people can break then friendship also. So I ll call u that.
         We are not talking anymore but I don't miss u that much . This is my own voice so I don't want to lie. Everything was so good when we were together. I never thought I could stay without u. Everything in my life was lesser than your happiness. It's like we see in the movies. A call from u and I ll come running, wherever I am. U know that I am high on emotions. After I left home I always thought u r my second family. To get this place in my life u didn't had to do much. There was something there which made this happen. I am still searching that something. I hope I could know it . So that I ll know this also why things didn't worked out for us.
          U remember when I used wake up early and coffee for us but u ll not drink coz u had the habit of making stuff on your own. It used to break my heart. I respected your feelings and never said anything. When i used to come back from college and cry for lil things u used to make me understand this things are temporary I ll cross all the problems I am facing, and used to believe u like a kid. I Learnt cooking from u. And I wish I could tell u that this is my favourite hobby now. I know I promised that I ll never leave u . We ll be together and make our homes in the same street so that our kids can grow up together and be best friends like us. I know I couldn't keep my promise I let u go. But I couldn't stop u from turning your back to me. I thought we ll fight but u ll never abandon me. But u know whatever happens ,happens for good. So I took it as something that was destined to be happen. I still remember everything, I didn't even forget a single thing. We used to laugh together, we used to cry together. I always wished I can be a sister for u but u know later I realised , whatever we feel  people need not have to feel the same thing. And I realized that nothing is same and equal in both sides.that day when I saw u crying when I was leaving. I wasn't crying becoz I was leaving, I couldn't stop myself from crying after I saw u. I still wonder why was that. I never could understand u. It took me years to stop following u around. When I was finally preparing to leave u . U left me without even thinking. May be it is my mistake . I was blinded by my high hopes that I fell down very hard. U blamed me for our break up . I was ok with it coz I am already carrying so much blames. Somehow I knew things are like this in your mind but I kept fooling myself but when I opened my eyes it was too late. When I saw things with my own eyes. Your perception towards me . My heart said u knew it. My fault, m guilty . I didn't wanted to see. I ll feel bad that I couldn't dance in your marriage or we couldn't click that mehendi wala selfie. But it's ohk . I didn't waited for u to understand any more . I moved on. I walked forward . And I have come a long way.
       I have someone in my life now who takes care of me. It's not like replacing u as u blamed me . It's something different between us . I don't need to make her stay in my life. She just stays. I don't need to show her care so that she ll care for me. She just takes care for me. Gives a shoulder whenever I need to cry. Laughs with me when I feel like. We are just friends by nature, no efforts. U taught me how to recognize people. I am her priority by her choice. After she came to my life I never stayed alone. It's not like if u didn't stayed with a person , u never can't . I am happy. trying to heal all my wounds. I want u to be happy like this. I guess the place I had for u in my life, I never had in your life. So it's easier to move on , I took a eternity. Ohk , I guess this is my left feelings for u. U always stay happy I wish that may be we ll meet after a few years and laugh on our stupidity . But I wish I never meet u .I can't . Ever. Bye got to go , she is waiting for me. And wondering why I am writing something from so long.

With love and pain,
Your ex-bestfriend

Soul of the forest

Today I explored...
The soul of the forest..
Enchanting and mesmerizing...
Ready to take into its embrace...
The lap of nature...
Away from the madding crowd..
The breeze and the smell...
It's like its a magic calling us...
To go more further...
A lost deer in our way ...
And a bunch of happy elephants...
At least I thought they are...
It's there home...
Untouched by the destructive minds...
The place was some enchantress....
The sun playing with us...
Sometimes walked with us...
And played hide and seek...
The trees gave us way..
To enter their territory...
To share with us...
Their music...
After the sun slept in dusks arms...
Chillness had its time to rule...
To make us feel that...
It's his world too...
The roads were unending...
Was looking like one long trail to your destination... but beautiful as I said about everything...
The air I breathed today...
Was from a different world...
The peace it gave me as a
Return gift..
That connected me with the soul of the forest...

Two broken hearts

Two broken hearts met today ..
In the corner of silence..
Sat and sobbed..
Not trying to pacify each other..
Just the truth between them..
And a long pause..
The string that connected them was the cause of sorrow..
Harsh reality and broken trusts..
They both smiled..
A kind of smile...
That torn them apart..
They didn't held together..
They let the thing fall ..
Broken... shattered...
Repenting and crying..
They both sat there...
In the confusion...
Hazy future...
Unconscious emotions... and the truth... horrified...
They started leaving..
Giving each other the same smile...
Pathetic and full of pain...

Its not business..

I saw ... u smiled...
I stole a moment... a epic one..
U gifted me a gesture...
A innocent one...
A hand to hold and start walking...
But there was a deal with happiness... and just smiles..
Of mixed emotions....
U said no promises... I was ohk...
I was happy,i got u ...
Suddenly the world seem to be changing around me...
Started getting the messages from universe...
Started understanding things...
That I never needed to be...
And more stolen glances and more smiles...
A few moments and memories...
Thought for d first ever time...
I can be d change for u...
U know the heart... it understands no deals...
I was a free soul before I met u ...
But u were the beautiful cage I wanted to be in...
I was changing from inside...
Being complete and beautiful...
Despite of all the rules and guidelines... u know there is no boundaries for heart...
I knew d fate somehow....
But was still happy...
Whatever I had...
U may not be mine but the essence of being yours captured my soul...
But then one day...
I woke up ... from a beautiful dream...it became more deal and less emotions...
Less smiles and more tensed faces... a little stolen glances but ... it was different...
I realized it's plastic...
I tried reminding u ..
about a wonderful time...
U were looking Stern...
U said that was d deal...
No promises...
It felt shattered...
I saw this coming...
Never knew..  I ll run out of time..
Like this.... wounded I sat there... I realized.. it was never about being together... like two parallel roads and different destinations...
I knew this... I kept lying to myself all d time...
I didn't wanted to be alone... but I was the culprit..
I went out in the rain...
Stood there and spoke to my heart....In silence...
The next few days were a bizarre...
Things went normal..
One day u came again.. u held my hand like before... everything was the same ,no promises and d rules and no emotions...
I withdrew my hand ...
It hurted me... but It happened..
U were shocked... but I felt relieved...
Because after all it's not business...
Heart understands no business...

The lights

She was hurried to complete her homework. So that she can see the fireworks from her balcony. Or everyone celebrating the festival of lights. Little did she knew ,why she can't celebrate it. Though she was just 6 years but never asked for more than what was given to her.. she did her homework and like every year went to her balcony.. Diwali was been celebrated in full pace. The sky was full of firecrackers and beautiful fire works.. she thought it would be so great if she could light some.. but she didn't know the reason why she can't do it ... she watched and wondered for a good amount of time... people enjoying, playing. She sat there and smiled.. everyone thought she didn't know but somewhere she knew that she can't because her dad can't afford all this luxuries for her... she blinked one last time towards the fireworks and went inside.... after a well 16 years she was still there sitting in her flat in the balcony as the same as before... now she had everything to celebrate but she was still watching the firecrackers in the sky.... someone asked why not celebrating.... she said it was never mine..... nothing has changed yet... she hasn't changed... she ll never be...

Ek raasta tera mera...

Yeh raaste dekho chal pade h kahi.... dur kahi jaha le ja rahi h sath.... rukna theherna h hi nei....
Kal to sawal h.... bas jio filhal ko... ek rastA Tera mera....
Bas yeh rasta Tera mera....
Chehre ko chuti hawa aur ...
Dil me kaid Tufaan.....
Jee le isse ... fanah hone se pehle.... dhoop ka hath pakad ...
Aur dooja hath mera .....
aur bas sath hamare....
Yeh Tera mera raasta....
Ghume aj dewaane hoke...
Dil ko dhadakne do....
Isse pehle ki Sham ho jaye....
Dil ne Jo ki h baat aj use sunlo...
Suno awaargi ko ....
Thodi madhoshiya bhi ho...
Tum ho me hu aur yeh Tera mera raasta....
Paon Na ho zamin pe....
Pankhe le badal k aur chlo ud chale.... hawa ka hath tham....
Bas Tum ho me hu aur yeh Tera mera rasta...
Manzil aye Na bas chalte jaye....
Tera sath aur yeh safar....
Bas ab Na khatam ho...
rukna bhi hoga kabhi....
Mehsoos karne ko wo thehraab...
Do pal jeene ko ....do pal muskurane ko ... aur bas palon ko kaid kiye chalte jaye....
kahi gum h manzil....
Tum ho main hu aur Tera mera.. yeh raasta....

Meri kasti aur tum....

Ek kasti h aur bas main aur tu ...
Bethe hi jaye.. bas behte hi jaye...
Pass me padti nehro se ...
Umang bhari dopehro me...
Bas behte hi jaye ....
Baat Na ho bas lafzo se...
Tez dhadkti nabzo se...
Lamha ye tarango k sath ...
Behta behta hi jaye....
Jebon me rakh lenge dhoop thodi ... aur Sanso me thandak....
Hateliyon me thodi garmiya...
Dil me thodi besabriyan...
Bas behte hi jaye....
Ankhe miche Nile asmaan me....
Thodi gustakhiyan hum bhi karle..
Barish mod le apna rasta agar hamare taraf....
To thoda bheeg le hum bhi...
Ankho me bhar le thoda sukoon ... aur Sanso me thandak...
Kasti ko apne khusiyon se hum saza le.... aur tumari meri batein bas chalti rahe .....
aur behte hi jaye... bas behte hi jaye....
Jana kaha ho Na pata....
Badalon me aur kabhi lehron me hum ho jaye laapata....
Raton ka sunapan hum bhar de hasi se...
aur wo sitare bhi sang chale.... Jo sath chal Raha chand bhi ....
To kya fikar ... bas behte chale...bas kho jaye kahi .... aur behte chale....
sapno k dhundhli raah me....

Roads...

I have seen the roads..
The ups and downs...
The strong and the weak...
The dry the ,muddy...
And the storms in between...
The river I have to cross...
Sometimes the cold breeze..
And the beautiful scenery..
From d crowd and the lone side...
From the darkness...
And the light...
The never ending and the short ones...
I have walked miles....
Thoughtless and lonely ...
I have walked alone and with people...
But I have kept walking...
Happiness and the laughter...
And the terrifying lonely ones...
But I kept walking...
Sometimes can see ahead...
People coming n going ....
Crossing me...
Sometimes the blind turns...
Don't know what coming ahead...
But I kept walking...
Sometimes alert and sometimes careless...
I fell ... got hurt...
Raised and again started walking....
Never to stop...
No one can't stop...
The roads will end someday...
I ll reach home...
Will sit and rejoice...
Someday...I ll...
That's life... u come and walk...
Along with people and alone...
And leave it someday....

Destiny....

       The water drop just sliding through his polished skin .its a perfect image, like a dream . Drops of water coming down from his sharp nose and chin. he looks distracted . drowning in some deep thoughts. the piercing eyes are closed. he looks like some dream.... such a perfection. like someone has painted a portrait . may be he is a illusion or he is actually there. my mind is playing with me. the air is not there or am i out of breath ? it seems the water is being vaporized after touching his skin. now the waterfall seems less beautiful and it seems everything went colorless. i came out of my dream world. he is now looking at me. it seems my blood is freezing. i can feel my heartbeat go faster. he starts walking towards me. i move a few steps back. i don't know why but my mind and my heart are saying different things. he smiles. and a few drops of water from his chin slides down to his chest through his neck. i see the drops slide. i know this thing is going to haunt me for days. fear grabs my mind what if i he rejects me. his smile and his eyes, are so mesmerizing. now he takes a few steps forward in a fast pace. my minds stops thinking something else. i freeze there. he comes to me , near me.  He is extending his hand towards me  . i  move forward to reach his hand . his hands touches mine . suddenly all the coldness is gone . a fiery heat replaces the coolness. It is like some ecstasy. Which was capturing me within it . i am unable to think now. all i can see is the heat of the moment that is blocking my mind now. he pulls me into the waterfall. now water flowed over me making the two of us together . our body collided. Water has also changed its direction. Now his hands supporting me so farm like my destiny. Yet the touch was so gentle . so soft , and the gaze so dramatic ............

to be continued....

dream-1

 He was holding my hand and was looking straight in my eyes . i was freezed, in capable to move . he was silent , silent like a noon in desert . silent but there was a fire in his eyes . the heat rose from his eyes and transferred through his hand . and the same heat was penetrating in my heart , it was flowing on my nerves like a current . i was losing my control over my heart and my soul . he said he loves me . i was trying to reply but my lips were shut like they have sealed forever . my body became numb . i was surrendering myself . i looked into his eyes . so deep like an ocean . he leaned over his breathing catching mine . like a storm . i closed my eyes . a tiny drop of tear escaped . which i was trying to hold back . they are precious he said ....

UGLINESS

i ran and ran...

was running all the while,

but i couldn't escape..

from the burning truth and all the deeds,

my own deed and plans,

the suffering is long and painful...

i don’t know how to escape from those staring eyes...

hiding the pain the hurt...

in which now i am a expert..

i used to be innocent and clean...

the calm on my face and the smile...

i feel like sinned...

today is no-one’s fault

its just mine..

i stay happy and laugh..

at-least i pretend to be..

involve myself in endless conversations...

so my lie shouldn’t collapse..

it should remain forever....

people get annoyed but i laugh and laugh

until i cry and till then people are gone..

they have seen the happy part with the gleaming eyes..

lets not make them see the ugliest part ...

sore eyes, spoiled and smeared mascara...

lets not see the ugliness that stays inside me..

the demon will cut out my heart...

and make me believe someday that i can’t do it anymore..

inside a happy frame stays a witch..

which i cant let out..

i scream i cry when they haunt me...

the memories of my past and the darkness..

i stay in dark like trapped...

pain, it never leaves me..

i fight one more night and win over my filth..

alas! there will be a morning .. the sun will rise..

again i ll rinse my face with the tears ...

will have to wear a mask of happiness...

and walk with a bunch of happy people to hide the ugliness inside....

I let u go

I let u go...
I make you free today...
The bond ll remain always...
The offense will remain...
Sadness and pain will be there...
I ll keep it close to my heart...
To feel the pain and the fear..
To loose u someday..
I knew this day ll come...
I wish I could've held you back...
I wish I had done it better....
The temptation is everlasting..
To hold you, to keep you...
I won't force but I beg ...
To turn back, to stay...
I am leaving forever...
But you ask me to stay ....
I ll stay... I ll forgive...
The pain the love has a bonding... they ll never be separated... they won't be together... one of them stays... the other one dies...
In us love had to die...
I can't Change the fate...but I pray to God to atleast let the memories live...
Let the fragrance stay...
Let the story to be told...
I wish u to turn back someday...
And look at what have you done to me...
To listen to the story retold...
That was once ours...

Last-time

This is the last time and this is the first I waited for u ...
The last time I got crushed by u..
This is the last time I stayed near and moved so far...
The last time I waited for u to understand...
And this is the first time I knew I can survive..
This is the last time I stayed mum... when u shouted...
This is the first time I didn't wanted to stop u..
This is the last time I cried from inside and showed I don't care..
This is the first time I knew my strength...
I am a changed soul now ...
This is the first time I protected myself like a stone..
This is the last time I controlled my heart..
And the first time I let my brain speak and protect...
Because u know, u used to be a part of my heart...
How can someone betray their own heart..
I couldn't..
This is the last time I worried about why are u not smiling...
This is the last time I was angry that someone brought tears in your pretty eyes...
This is the last Time I was bothered about the future...
This is the last time I died in silence... while anger took control of u ..
May be this is the first time u thought about my pain when u looked at me ...
But may be it's too late...
There was a aura a power what always kept us together...
This is the first time I couldn't find that bonding...
This is the last time I let u hurt me...
This is the last time i mourned over my second family...
This is the last time I let myself die...
This is the first time I had the courage to hold myself...
This is the last time I knew l ll build myself..
N I ll wait the fire to come down...

P.s-this is clearly not related to any person dead or alive this is totally the outcome of my weird thoughts of my equally weird mind.. 😉

That is life....

I always thought things should be done a manner. May it be love , may it be friendship, may it be hate. But a lot people doesn't take things seriously. I mean while love is a serious business for people,but friendship is not. According to people things differ but there should be a particular limit for everything. I always thought that what it would be like if the emotions will have certain boundaries and certain rules. It would be whole different business. Because when it comes to rules there is always be a agreement between two parties. But yes again when it comes to heart rules are not exactly followed, and specifically the two relationships I am talking about runs on emotions, and tears and laugh is a thing that always comes from heart if it is true. So yes, I was talking about trueness of a relationship. may it be any relationship. You know the honest and most true relationship is a mother and child's relationship. Other than that their is never a 100% for anything. Obviously I am talking about a real scenario here that's why all this philosophy. I always thought u would be my strength. I always thought friendship is bigger than anything. Even you know there is something in my mind that always keeps you ahead of love. I felt we are a team that can be never be broken . I thought we can conquer any situation. But these situations were always against. I always thought, no u would understand what's important and whats not. But yes there is never a one sided relationship . May be things were never like this from your side. It's not your fault obviously, not Even mine. May be we can blame the situation, the time , everything. It's not always a boy to girl thing to get attract to each other, it's a personality thing , it's a person to person thing. Ours were a true friendship, until things started changing. You were Always a priority. You will be may be. Because you know I am a fool. I have a bad habit of forgiving people. Here it's not a case to forgive, because I can't blame any of us . I thought of getting a soul sister through you. But yes I won't bother anymore. May be can silently wait for someday. It doesn't even matter to me anymore. Because I am already habituated. Everything comes with a expiry date. I have to get the fact. Understand it and take it positively. And move in life. Change my thinking. Yes, best of luck for life. Hope our ways doesn't intersect each other's of its not for a positive outcome.
Bye.

P.s- this is not related to any person alive or dead. This is purely my imagination and part of weird thoughts generated by my equally weird mind.

My valley of love

Sky fallen on the edge of my love , and the whole world started sinking , I took a step forward towards the valley and let myself fall in the depth of your love , and get lost in the darkness of the secrecy , and lets the warmth wrap me inside it , that once led me to u , the fragrance of life , the bloomed flower of life . But things have changed , the colours darkened the valley started falling pieces by pieces , the valley that once looked green has turned into ashes , the colours are lost , it's grey and lifeless, the flowers are dry and dead, the flowing streams no longer beautiful, seem like just water , the happiness replaced by a silence. And in the middle of destruction stood I? Wondering what I did? My fault?